Changing it up

My recent state of continual change in circumstances has made me think that maybe “change” can almost be considered my consistent way of life. I’ve started to wonder if instead of being one of those people who is afraid of change, I’m afraid of no change—of being stuck in a rut somewhere and feeling inactive. I’ve thought that if you’re willing to constantly be changed and challenged by the grace of God, then change is a good thing. Right? I want to always be open to the idea of being transformed, renewed and through that, strengthened by God’s love.

But personally, lately sometimes I wonder if my antsy-ness and restlessness—my yearning for knowing what’s coming next and for being anxious about where God is leading me now… maybe it’s not okay. I’ve been in this state of never-ending shake-ups in my life for the past I don’t know, 5 years. Always moving around, leaving home for months on end, going through nursing school, moving away, having different friends coming and going in and out of my life. I’ve started to wonder if I should take it easy on the whole “trying to constantly make big decisions and do something life changing” as much as possible attitude. THAT is a struggle for me. I’ve always been the type of person to feel a need for activity. I thrive under a little pressure and stress. Basically, the more I have going on and the more I can accomplish in a day, the better I tend to feel about my life in general. (Dad, I get this from you!) I want to be engaged in change so it feels like I’m getting somewhere or making progress. I don’t think I even realized that this is something I really really struggle with until recently. But maybe God is changing me and allowing me to realize that’s not how it has to be:

Learn to live from your true Center in Me. I reside in the deepest depths of your being, in eternal union with your spirit. It is at this deep level that My Peace reigns continually. You will not find lasting peace in the world around you, in circumstances, or in human relationships. The external world is always in flux—under the curse of death and decay. But there is a gold mine of Peace deep within you, waiting to be tapped. Take time to delve into the riches of My residing Presence. I want you to live increasingly from your real Center, where My Love has an eternal grip on you. I am Christ in you, the hope of Glory.--Jesus Calling

I heard something from one of my favorites, Joyce Meyer, the other day. She said, “the devil hates progress and any determination of it.” So wait… where does that leave me? I need to be doing something. Making progress. Getting things done. Naturally, I started thinking about all the things I need to start doing: how I could improve some of my relationships, things I should be doing to serve in my city, how to be a better nurse.

I’d been struggling over what exactly I wanted to say on this subject. Then it hit me at church this morning: It’s not the change in circumstances or actions I need to be concerned about. It’s letting God change my heart that’s important.

My circumstances don’t matter. Being busy, building relationships, serving in the community… those things are all important and God continually leads me in those areas. But it’s even more important to not let those things be a distraction to the changes He’s trying to make inside of me. Without His presence and influence, my work is meaningless.

So, it’s my hope and prayer this week that we can all take a step back and focus on what God is trying to do inside of us, rather than being caught up in all the exciting external circumstances. If we slow down, listen to God in every moment, and be open to the little things He’s working to change in our hearts, life will fall into place exactly as He already planned it.


Megan